Love Letter #2

"Missing someone gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's one day closer to the next time you will."  ~Author Unknown

Sweet Jackson,

I woke up today with emotion up to here (vision my hand right below my chin).  I know that I slept peacefully last night, yet I am still tired. 

I do not know what to do.

Life is hard. Life is so hard without you. I mean seriously, we do not know what to do. We are trying our very best. 

I believe that I am tired of saying "I am good", "I am doing OK", or even "I am doing as good as I can be at this point". It is not a lie, because I am doing "good"...but I think I have reached a point of exhaustion with it all. It is hard to keep your head held high all day, when all you want to do is fall to the ground and beg for mercy from it all. 

It did not take me long to figure out why I am struggling right now.

You are just over 12 weeks old. My very favorite age. I love babies in the 3-6 month range. There is nothing sweeter.  I know that if you were here, you would be just beginning to grow into your precious personality. We would see lots of gummy smiles, cooing, squeaking, fierce kicking, and even hearing the beginnings of  sweet baby laughter. I love it, and I would do anything to have a moment of that in my life. I mean anything. 

I know you are the cutest, sweetest, most adorable baby boy. I know it. I just wish you were here so that we could see you, hold you, and love you.


Your nursery has officially become insanely hard to walk by.  The door is closed, and we have not even stepped in there since we left for the hospital. It was our favorite room in the house. Now, it is our least. I know that one day we will love that room again, but right now, that is not the case. Do you know how hard your Dad worked on that room? He spent days and days putting bead board and molding up. He even painted the entire room so that I did not have to get near hazardous fumes. He was meticulous, as always, and he created a room that was perfection just for you, sweet boy.  After he finished the hard work, I got to come in and decorate.  I was on a mission to put together a sweet, soft nursery with your colors--aqua, tan, and white. Even though we created a nursery that is very gender neutral and can be used for all of our babies, we want you to know that it is always your room. WE built it for you. You are always and forever #1. You are the original aqua man. Your room is so very YOU.


Whenever we see aqua, we always think of you. We always smile--and mean it.  The color is like a flag that represents you. We see the color, and salute with a smile. We are surprised at how much we see aqua on a day-to-day basis. The world is filled with aqua. The world is filled with you.


It used to be a part of my morning routine to go in the nursery. I would wake up, eat breakfast, then head to the nursery for some precious quiet time with you before I got ready for work. I would rock and rock in the chair by the window. You were so active in the morning. I would rock and you would kick. I felt like the morning would always be "our special time".  I loved to read you books or hum a song while the morning light started to spill in through the shutters. The sun was a positive signal to me that we were just one more day closer to meeting you. I loved the mornings with you. I miss my mornings with you.

You should be a part of the morning routine. 

We miss you more than we can ever put into words. We are lost without you. We should be a party of 3. We have a huge hole in our hearts and in our lives.  We love and miss you every second of every day.  We love you to the moon and back. Our love for you has no limits, and knows no boundaries.


We do want to thank you for giving us many, many good days. Thank you for giving us strength. Thank you for sending us subtle little signs that you are happy and safe. If we did not have good days and signs, we would be completely lost. You are an extraordinary angel, and we are so proud of you. We will always be proud of you. Keep up the good work. We will always be your biggest fans because YOU are the love of our life.

Appropriate quote for you today-


"I dropped a tear in the ocean.  The day you find it is the day I will stop missing you."  ~Author Unknown

We love you.

We miss you.

Forever.

Always.

Love,
Mom and Dad