It Takes A Village

“We have all known the long loneliness and we have learned that the only solution is love and that love comes with community.”- Dorothy Day

It takes a village, y'all. No joke.


We survived the holiday season with the help of many, many angels near and far. None of them had to be called and told. None of them even asked if it is was alright to swoop in. None of them doubted for a minute that their actions were the right ones. They just delivered. Silently. Swiftly. Subtly. And some how or another, all of these angels had perfect spacing in their deliveries. Just about the time when we could not take another minute, a little bit of love landed in our laps.

I dedicate this post to each one of these special angels.

The month kicked off with this very special ornamet :)

That is a beautiful angel from the market in Naples, Florida! Our friends bought it when they were visiting family over Thanksgiving. This particular ornament was given to us with love from our friends precious toddler, and her mama told me that, "She bought it for Jackson". She even said her little girl picked it out :) Maybe, just maybe little girl had some help from her amazing mama, but we chose to believe the sweet girl picked it out! Yes, this is an ornament but really, it is a beautiful light catcher. We are keeping this one out year-round and will find a spot in our house where the light can shine through it all the time. Since we know that JND is a rock star when it comes to sunshine, we believe that this angel will showcase some beautiful light in our home when we need it most.  For right now, it is hanging outside the nursery. And we are good with that. Light always shines there, believe it or not.

Love love love that ornament/year-round light catcher!

The next angel delivery is something else.

My childhood friend (and friend for life), quietly gave me a little box at my mother's 60th birthday party. She did not want me to open it right then and there. She said to open it later. So, later that night when I was alone, I opened it. I totally understood why she did not want me to open it when I was entertaining a flock of women. Here it is....

Yep. Go ahead. Cry.

Those are our Jackson's sweet feet on a beautiful silver ornament with his date of birth. WOW! We just love this ornament! What a perfect way to make sure that Jackson is always a part of the Christmas season, and always remembered by our family every year.  I could not think of a more perfect way to honor and love him. I knew that I wanted an ornament for him, and this friend knew exactly what to do. She knows me too well, and she is grieving right along side me. I can see our children hanging this on the tree every year, while sending the sweetest and purest love to their angel brother who is there in spirit. Always.

After we hung the ornament on the top and center of our tree, I looked at it for a moment and found this...

My son. My reflection. My smile. Our smile. After all, it was quite obvious the boy had my lips and mouth :) Make no mistake about it, those are his daddy's feet! What a gift to be able to find my reflection in our sweet angel Jackson. I needed to see that, and now we can see it every year at Christmas time. Next year, I am snapping a photo of Russ' reflection :)

Perfection. Love. And a side of Hope.

Amazing.

A few days later, another delivery came in our mailbox. It had perfect timing, I might add.

This one came from a family of angels, who I have known almost my entire life. Our families have grown up together and been through so many things together. The head mama in the family (dear friend of my mother's) sent this on behalf of the entire crew.....

I just love this. It is so sweet, and soft. It just nestled perfectly into our tree, like it was supposed to be there the whole time. It was the third ornament, and in many ways, it felt like it was the one the whole group was waiting for.  It truly completed the set. I like to think that this is how Jackson's angel wings look. Beautiful, sweet, and soft angel wings. Perfect angel wings. This will be an ornament that Russ and I will hang together. Perhaps more privately, and at a time where we can pause and say a prayer. We always tell him how much we love and miss him, especially during the holidays.


Oh, but the village is not done taking care of us. No way.

Remember our angel L&D nurse? Well, she sent us a care package that is true to her personality and style.

Anytime someone starts a note with "My Dear's"....You know this person is heaven sent. I opened her card and could her hear talking to me. I could feel the way she stroked my head and how she looked at me with her head almost resting on her shoulder with giant tears in her eyes. I read her note and could hear her talking to me. It was so powerful. She has grieved and continues to grieve right along with us. She marks time the same way I do. She might even be keeping track of weeks better than I am, at this point. She lost something too that day.

She sent us this....

Beautiful. What is so special about this clay image is that it came from her "shrine" in her home. It is something that comforted her as she has been traveling down this tough road, and she felt like it was time for us to have it. What we love about it, is that it looks like our Jackson and it has her name all over it because this is something only she would have. It looks a lot like our sweet boy based on the few times we got to see him on the monitor and a few precious moments in our arms. Oh, those unforgettable sweet cheeks, precious button nose, and that big heart. The strong and steady heart that was too big for this world. We just love this. She also sent us this packet...

This is our nurse saying, "I totally get it".

I like it when people get it.

She found this laying in the L&D waiting room. Someone had left it behind. She read it, and knew we needed it. She was right. I like that she added "JUST" in there. Another true to form move from our angel nurse. Yes, not all holidays are JUST happy.

The part about "grief rituals" was the most helpful and comforting. There is tremendous value in creating grief rituals to help us remember our loved ones in loving, healing ways and with a sense of peace. Many times when loss occurs, we feel like we must hold onto pain (forever) in order to remember what is lost. When what should happen is the creation of a ritual(s), albeit individually or with family, that will have the most meaning and healing significance. These loving activities help us remember our loved ones, and give us a sense of connectedness, healing and peace. Ultimately, these grief rituals should help release pain and unpleasant feelings, thus freeing up space for us to make our memories a positive influence in our lives. 


The hanging of these ornaments yearly is a grief ritual.


The footprints we wear is a grief ritual.

The photographing of the sun is a grief ritual.

Making deposits in our memory jar is a grief ritual.

Our love for the color aqua is a grief ritual.

Writing on this blog is a grief ritual.

Grief rituals are perfectly normal. They should be embraced and welcomed, not stifled and shoved to a place where you cannot find them. Rituals empower people emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Those who create rituals through traditions, and their own will to invent a new ritual that provides meaning to them, have the opportunity to extend their loved ones presence beyond death.

And you know what?

The village around you may just have grief rituals of their own that they want to share with you because your loss is their loss too. No one is alone.

More village love...

Stunning pottery. This one is on Russ' nightstand. An angel. Our boy. Aqua. Absolute perfection. This one came from our family in Tennessee. More on this crew to come. I have a big-fat holiday adventures post on deck. I took some fun photos of our tour-de-south!

Thank you to all the angels. Thank you so much.

Thank you for these wonderful and meaningful gifts.

Thank you to everyone who called, e-mailed, texted or just squeezed my hand and asked me how we were doing.

Thank you for praying for us, especially during this holiday season. I selfishly ask for more prayers, because Winter time is just depressing.

It takes a village, folks. It just does. We are so thankful for a strong and powerful village. We love all of you, very much.

Here we are saying good bye (and good riddance) to 2012, and HELLO LUCKY 2013!!

Lets do this '13.

If you are on Instagram, you can find me @emilydeloach. I am having fun with that app now! It is my kind of program, as y'all know I love to take pictures and edit them! You can find us documenting our life adventures there too!

Have a great week!

Love,
Emily and Russ

Sea Island Beach bike ride with some of our village people :)

'Twas The Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house

Not a baby was stirring, not even a mouse.

The three stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that we might wake up from this nightmare;

Nightly, we cried softly while snug our bed,

While visions of Jackson danced daily in our heads;

All clean and in our jammies, after working out to the fine music known as rap.

Time to settle down for the evening after considering a night-cap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

We sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window we flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

To the moon on the breast of the new fallen snow

Gave the lustre of the mid-day to objects below,

When, what to our wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh, and nine tiny reindeer,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,

We knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,

 And he whistled, and shouted, and called the by name;

"Now, HOPE! Now, HAPPINESS! Now, FAITH and BELIEF! 

On, FORWARD! On FUTURE! On LOVE and JOY!"

In front, well who could it be?

A new baby reindeer, JND!

"To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!

Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,

With a sleigh full of promise, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, we heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

The sounds of giggles and coos of our of boy,

Oh the bliss, Oh the joy!

Sweet music to our ears,

A moment that stops the endless tears.

As we drew in our heads, and were turning around,

Down the chimney St. Nicholas came abound.

He was dressed in all fur, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

A bundle of positivity he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes--how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

 The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;

He had a broad face and a little round belly,

That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

And we laughed when we saw him, in spite of ourselves;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Soon gave us to know, we had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And filled all the stockings right up to the brim; then turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But we heard him exclaim, ere he and JND drove out of sight,

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

And we shouted back, "Merry Christmas to you Jackson Neil DeLoach, the love of our life!"

Love,

                         Emily, Russ and Baby Jackson 

 

Holiday Mash-Up

"Loved with a love beyond telling, Missed with a grief beyond all tears"-Unknown

Ok, so I checked out for a bit.

No joke, we have been taking on life at a blazing pace these days. It has been absolute craziness on our end. We are thankful for the packed schedule, but it comes with pure exhaustion and a solid appreciation for downtime when we get it.

SO. I have a few precious moments in front of the computer this afternoon, and darn it, I am taking advantage of it. 

The holidays are hitting us with every emotion under the sun, but we were braced for that. Thanksgiving turned out to be fun. My Aunt (the greatest ever!) and Mom (she is pretty awesome too!) decided to dip into the Scotch and Beer (respectively), and that turned into dancing, singing, and laughing our way through preparing casseroles and the big bird. My sister and I just casually sipped wine and watched those two get down with the Thanksgiving spirit! We watched football and ate too many appetizers. Every year we say we will not eat so much before the meal, but that never actually comes to fruition. Oh well, maybe next year ;) All in all, Thanksgiving was not so bad and we more than survived it. We would have liked to have our lil turkey all dressed up for the day (already had an outfit bought, washed and ready) BUT we know our lil turkey was there in spirit helping us smile and have a good time with family who loves us so much. We found ways to count our blessings and be thankful, and that is some serious progress folks. We will take it.

And now, it is Christmas.

THE holiday of all holidays in my book.

A month long holiday at that. It is constant and never ending. It is a nightmare, to put it lightly.


Sometimes, I want to have a rant like this one. I take that back. I totally let one out like this out while helping deck my parent's halls after Thanksgiving. I think we all have a little Clark "Sparky" Griswold in us, and that is just awesome. Everyone laughed after my rant. We all get it and it is totally justified. I cannot guarantee another rant like this one will not come out again over the next few weeks. Sometimes I let it out writing. Sometimes I let it out privately. Sometimes you need to gurd your loins because something is about to get projected on you that you did not see coming.

So, I found the box with the stockings. Yep. Last year at Christmas I was blissfully pregnant and not knowing the sex of our baby. We needed new stockings, and I just was not ready to commit to cute monogrammed ones because our family was and still is not complete. I found some cuties that fit the bill at the TJ Maxx boutique. I bought stockings for Russ and I, and then I bought and extra boy one and an extra girl one. Yeah, opening up that box was a real treat. After a kicked the box across the living room (ouch), teared up, and gave it some time...I decided to tackle the stockings with a game plan. I was hanging up three, gosh darn it.

 

There I am, with both my boys beside me. No body puts baby in a corner, or in a box for that matter.

One day, those stockings will get filled with more love and joy than they can handle.

Right now, they are empty and will remain that way through the holiday season. Right now, it is a miracle they are even up. 

 It is hard to explain how this feels right now, and when you do attempt to explain it....you feel crazy. Walk with me....

I want to go to Babies R Us and buy him presents. I want to blow stupid amounts of money on a 7 month old.

I want to wrap said presents and put them under our beautiful tree. 

I want to buy an ornament that says "Baby's First Christmas".  Heck, I want to buy him an ornament every year.

I want to go see Santa with all the other happy families.

I want to do some Christmas baking with him right beside me. I want to make his Daddy cringe by eating the dough/batter (he has strong feelings about eating that...I ate it my whole life and I am fine....we think). I think cookie dough is one of the finer things in life, and one of my favorite things. I used to love to bake.

I want something Christmas smocked in my life right now. I am a sucker for smocked apparel. Especially holiday smocking. A little John John with something smocked on it? Well, just slap me silly!

I want to sing Christmas carols, and teach him how tone deaf people rock out to the sounds of the season. I have hardly listened to Christmas Carols this year.

I want to put a little Christmas Tree up in his room, because I grew up having a tree in my room and still do. The same tree I grew up with is currently displayed in our room right now (it has seen better days, and looks like a Charlie Brown Tree but I will never throw it away). I love the warm glow of a tree during the month of December to lull you to sleep. I feel terrible and empty knowing his room is closed, cold, dark and tree-less. 

I  just want so many things. I can let go of the wants and say what I need.

I need my son.

I need my family to be complete.

I need happiness to fill our home again.

One day. One day. One day.

As I mentioned, we have been keeping busy. Or as I am trying my best to look at it....we have been busy.....AKA....putting our best foot forward.

After Thanksgiving, some of our dearest friends came to spend the weekend with us. We had the best time! On Friday, we decorated Gingerbread Houses :) I went all out and got the best supplies possible. It got competitive....naturally. Before photo:

And after:

Lets break that down: The girls....

  

VS. The Boys....

They are funny little houses, built with laughter and ton of icing. I cannot wait to do Gingerbread Houses every year with friends, family and one day, with all of our babies. Talk about a fun tradition in the making. I can see it now :) HOPE, baby. HOPE.

How's that for some festive Emily?

The next day, we hit up the Biltmore! I LOVE the Biltmore at Christmas!

And then we hit up the winery....

We had so much fun. When I count my blessings, I always include these two because they are that wonderful. Thanks sweet friends for spending the weekend with us! Come back soon! Our home is always open for you! Morning coffee is best with you two.

The next weekend we threw my mom a fun 60th birthday! We invited her girlfriends to come join us at the house for a few hours! We made lots of desserts, and we joked that the party favor would be insulin shots because of the sheer volume of sugar consumed by each attendee. Cue the famous Razzmosa's....

And a parade of desserts....oh my.

 

And the finished product....

She had a great time. We all had a great time! It was so much fun to host this event! My dad even wore his tux :) He looked super and it fit him great! Still got it Dad! I have to admit, whenever he talks about wearing it (he likes to wear it!), I do think of this scene from Father of The Bride :)

Here is Mom, with her birthday "facinator". Isn't she precious?! She referred to herself as "Kate" (Middleton) all day. I am not seeing the resemblance, but who is to argue with the birthday girl! Yes, that is a martini glass on a headband....complete with feathers and subtle netting around the face for some drama. Mom in a facinator and Dad in a tux....that is how we put our best foot forward, people! Too cute!

Happy Birthday Mom! Cheers to many, many more years! You are the best! We love you!

Now, we are at home for the weekend and are gearing up to start 2 weeks of traveling. It has been nice to be at home with not a whole lot on the agenda. We have not done that in nearly 2 months! These next 2 weeks will be challenging, as we were not supposed to hit the roads this Christmas. We had so many plans for how our home would look and feel over Christmas break. We are devastated these plans look different than how we planned, but we do look forward to seeing and spending time with many family and friends. It is the time of year to surround ourselves with all those that we love, and let their energy and love lift us up. The road plan: Asheville to Jackson, TN to Atlanta to Sea Island and then back to Asheville. What a trip! This sleigh will be all loaded up and hauling around the Southeast!

Hug your family extra tight this Christmas. Hug your babies tighter.

Take time to enjoy the littlest of things.

Start a new Christmas tradition. No one is too busy to start one. Put your best foot forward.

Check-in with someone you know could be struggling this Christmas and just let them know you are thinking of them. It goes a long way. Trust me. It may help them move forward.

Tragedy has struck too many people in 2012. I pray for a better 2013 for everyone. Lucky 13, as I like to say. We need something to believe in, and that is about the best I can do right now. I HOPE it is a Lucky 13 for so many people.

Merry Christmas and Happy Lucky 13 to you all.

Love,

Emily and Russ